Trials...

As followers of Christ, we are guaranteed that we will endure trials and hardships on this planet. According to James chapter 1, we are told to “consider it pure joy, when we face trials of many kinds, because the testing of our faith develops perseverance, and perseverance must finish its work so that we may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” So essentially, enduring a trial is the equivalent of going to the “spiritual gym” to strengthen and develop our faith. This brings several things to my mind. As one who frequents the gym on occasion, what I notice is that the more I go the easier some workouts get and the longer I can endure them. Secondly, in regards to weight training, you usually start out with light weights and then as you get stronger you advance to heavier weights. And last, after going through intense physical workouts, the pain becomes expected and is not so surprising and we learn how to adjust and recover from it. So, if our spiritual training of enduring trials at all mimics our physical training of exercise, it seems as though the more trials we endure correctly by leaning on Christ, our faith should grow and some of those trials should get easier. The trials we endure may end up becoming harder and harder as our faith grows stronger and stronger. And finally, as we endure more and more trials, the pain and fear is not so surprising and we hopefully turn to Christ quicker each time as we learn that it is through Him that we find our recovery.

Typically, I find that I don’t realize something is a trial until it is over and I look back in hindsight at what I should learn from that trial. There have only been a handful of small trials that I realized in the midst of them, that I was actually in a trial and needed to lean on Christ, and there have been two HUGE trials….one of which I am still enduring. As horrible as these giant trials are to endure, never in any other time of my life do I feel as close to Christ as when I am enduring very difficult trials. It’s as though a portal to Christ is opened while enduring trials, that is not normally open or that I don’t seek out as much when my life is going well. After my last HUGE trial that occurred about two years ago, I found myself actually desiring and anticipating the next trial in my life because I wanted to feel the power and presence of Christ in me again, like I did when I was enduring that trial. And, for the past few months I have been praying for Christ to strengthen my faith, to help it to be genuine, to help me walk closely with Jesus like those in the Old and New Testament did, and to help me focus more on Christ instead of the things of this world. I now realize why people always say be careful what you ask/pray for.

The trial that I am enduring right now is bigger and more horrendous than anything I have ever endured in my entire life. Even though I prayed for Christ to develop my faith more, I find myself asking God, “Why?! Why does this have to be my trial…my family’s trial? Something so dear to my heart, turned upside down, with a big unknown as to how it will end? Isn’t there another trial You could have given me/us that would have tested and strengthened my/our faith? Why this??!!” But the Spirit of Christ has come along time and time again to whisper “I am here with you. I will walk through this with you. Trust in Me. Get your strength from Me alone.” And so I trust and I wait and I pray.

Though there is still hope for a happy ending in my current trial, I know full well, this may not turn out the way I want it to, and regardless of the outcome, I know that it may take a very very long time to resolve and recover from this. I am leaning on Christ like never before. I am so drained and exhausted. I feel as though my very foundation has been shaken by this and it is bringing to light many things in my faith and life that need improvement. I pray that this trial not be in vain and that goodness will come of it. I am reminded of how Christ alone should be my foundation, so that when these life shattering trials come my way, I will not be shaken because Christ is my foundation and rock. I am reminded not to “lean on my own understanding.” Many of the Psalms and hymns that I grew up reading and singing are making so much more sense to me now that I am in this trial. It is a special feeling to me, that the words written by David as he endured his trials many centuries ago are now bringing comfort to me in my trial. I feel a connection to those in the Bible…those men and women who endured hardships with the strength of Christ and came out better for it in the end. Trials are yet another way for Christ to receive glory and praise, because without Him I would have crumbled and fallen away by now.

Through enduring this current trial, I can say that it is 100% true that Christ will come to us in our need. Though there is pain and suffering in life, He does not abandon us. It is during these times that praising Him holds so much more weight than when my life is trial free. He truly brings a peace that surpasses all understanding. He holds us in our agony as we cry out to Him. He hears us, though many times we do not hear Him. I am beginning to realize how many distractions there are in my life that take my focus away from Christ…that drown out His voice. I am reminded yet again, how the things we think matter in life, do not matter in comparison to knowing, serving, worshipping, glorifying, and preaching Christ Jesus. I look at the lives of those who followed Christ in the Bible and think they are radical for living they way they did, yet really it should not be viewed as radical, but normal…normal, passionate Christian living with our eyes on Christ. I am reminded yet again how merciful and gracious Jesus is to us, and I am reminded of how I need to love others the way He does.

Trials bring to light so many things that I am normally blind to and they refocus my mind on Christ. I truly feel that my soul and faith are in an intense work out right now. For the first time, I am in a marathon of a trial that will require patience, faith, and endurance for a long time….this is no short sprint of a trial. And the only hope I have….the only One who renews my strength to keep going is Christ Jesus. I must lean on Him and not myself. I must humbly wait and trust His in His ways because if I try to fix this myself or rely on myself, nothing good will come of it. But I am confident of this, whatever the outcome, Jesus is LORD, He will be with us, He will bring good of this, and He will heal us. I love the LORD because he does not change. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. He alone is my hope and strength. I am nothing without Him.

Isaiah 40:31 – “But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”

Psalm 46:1 – “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.”

Psalm 28:7-8 – “The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song. The LORD is the strength of his people, a fortress of salvation for his anointed one.

Psalm 27:13-14 – “I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.