CA Christmas

*pics are at the bottom*

For Christmas this year, we were blessed to travel to CA to visit with my family and spend some time with a few of our closest friends. We were only there for one week, so it was packed full, but overall it was an enjoyable and much needed trip. I was feeling very homesick and LOVED getting to spend face-to-face time with my mom, dad, sister Hollie, and bro-in-law Jake. Unfortunately, Erin and Seth are still in China so they could not be there. But we did get to see some extended family which was nice. It had been WAY too long since I saw my little cousin Ashley (aka Ashalily).

By the end of our CA visits, I am usually ready to come back to Houston, simply because our trips are always so busy and we are meeting up with so many people in such a short amount of time. It's fun but usually completely exhausting. However, this time I was not ready to leave at all. I was heavyhearted and depressed the day we flew home. It took me several days to get over the fact that I did not know when I would see my family again.

I hate leaving them. It's not necessarily that I miss CA, I just miss my family and our friends. I know and trust God's purpose in our move to Houston, but lately it has been hard for me. I feel completely helpless when trying to think of ways for my family to live near each other again, yet I just can't come up with anything.

It's not like we or my family are super wealthy and can just up and move whenever we want to. Like we could say "Hey! I would like to live by you again, let's go have a new home built and do this." Uh pahlease....we are just regular people and that is so not realistic for us.

Ultimately, after I spend hours stressing out about how to get everyone together again, I always end up exhausted and depressed....at which point Jesus comes in and says, "Trust God. Stop trying to control this. God will direct your paths" (Psalm 29:11, Proverbs 3:5-6; Isaiah 55:9).

Man oh man. Have you ever known how you were supposed to think or how you were supposed to trust God with something, yet it just seemed so hard to do so? That is how I feel right now with my family. I know I need to trust with God with this, but it is hard to let it go. I know how I need to behave and think about this, but I am not there yet.

It's weird because I used to think I did not want to live in CA again because it is so crowded, expensive, and liberal. But as I have been missing my family more and more, the idea of living in CA again doesn't seem so bad. However, I have no way of making that work out, and I don't even know if I should try.

I don't know what God is planning and I don't want to screw it up by me trying to force my desires to happen. What I need to do is leave it in God's hands and trust Him with it. His plans are so much bigger and higher than mine. He may be in the midst of working things out and I need to be patient with that. I am sure Joseph was wondering when or if he would ever get out of pharaoh's prison during the many years he was there. Yet that whole time God knew when and how Joseph would leave that prison (Genesis 39-41).

What's hard is I have no guarantee that it is in God's plans for me to ever live by my family again. I hope it is, but ultimately I don't know. And I need to get to the place where I can say that I am ok with whatever God executes....that I can lay my family and my desires on the altar before God and tell Him "I love and trust You so much that even if I can't live by my family 'it is well with my soul.'"

Right now I feel like I am in "pharaoh's prison" and that God is working something out that will be beautiful and so much more than I would have planned. At least that's what I hope is happening. I just need to trust that He has us here for a reason. I need to remind myself daily that I am here to serve God for His purpose. This life is not for me to plan every last detail of my life and simply seek out my comfort and my desires, but instead, to serve God and bring glory to Him.

The bad part is that at times I find myself bitter because I am stuck here. I know that is sooo not the right attitude, but I'm not gonna lie, I do feel that way sometimes. Thankfully, God always pulls me out of that, but it is a weekly battle. Especially, when I have friends constantly telling me how "blessed" they are to live by their families. I'm like "great...good for you...bleh." Basically, I find myself having to fight off thoughts of sadness, bitterness, and jealousy. Man, God has His work cut for me - there is sooo much pruning to be done in me, it's ridiculous.

Ok, well what I had intended to be a Christmas blog post has now turned into a "here's my thoughts on living in Houston and not in CA with my family" post. Oh well. I have been wrestling with these thoughts for so long and it feels good just to type them out. Like I've said before, this blog is more for me than anyone else and I honestly could care less if anyone ever looked at it. I find it cathartic to write these types of posts.

So to sum it up: I miss living by my family, but I am trusting God's plans and timing. I am also trusting Him to mold my heart into one that will surrender my hopes and dreams to Him and simply trust His perfect plan.


On a happier note, here are a few pics from our trip.... :)

Me and Crystal.
We've been friends since elementary school and I was so glad she was in Lancaster during our trip because she lives in Fresno and is not usually in town when we are. We were able to meet her and her now fiance Luke for coffee while we were there. A week after we met up with them, Luke proposed to Crystal in the snow at her parents Hume Lake cabin. I am soooo excited for her!!

Me, Tracy, April, and Sara.
Tracy, April, and I have been friends since elementary school and Sara joined us during our freshman year of high school (Crystal is also friends with everyone here, but she had gone back to Fresno before our ladies night). These girls are awesome and sooooooo much fun to hang out with. I miss them dearly!! The exciting thing is that Sara (far right) is due in April with her first baby!! April already has two boys (age 4 and 7, I think), while Tracy and I are of the same anti-procreation mindset.

Christmas morning with the fam (minus Erin and Seth)


Me, Mom, Hollie -- SPA DAY!!!
It was wonderful, relaxing, perfect!

On Tuesday, my family went to an underground bowling alley. It was really fun, even though I am horrible at bowling! ha :)

Hollie and Grandma!

Dad and Mom! They are so silly. I love them both so so so so so much!!!!

Jake and Jared - the two best bowlers of the night!

One of the many reasons I love Hollie so much is because she is crazy fun and makes a million different faces. Exhibit A. ;)

Sister love!! (Minus Erin who was in China)

Hollie and Jacob - cutie patooties!!
They are a great couple and loads of fun to hang out with. I am really happy my lil sis ended up with such an awesome guy like Jake.

My mom is amazing and one of the sweetest people in the whole world. I love her soooooo much. She is the bomb!

Jared and Jake on our way to Burbank airport to fly back to Houston. On a side note - We had no Burbank celebrity sightings this time. Usually we see a celebrity every time we fly in or out of Burbank. My fav Burbank airport celebrity sighting so far was Will Ferrel :)

Tinker and Me. UGH I miss her so much. I would give anything to be able to hug her right now and smush faces. I love my little sister so much. She is such an amazing person - one of the best I know. Though she is five years younger than me, she is one of my closest friends and I love hanging out with her. I love that we can be silly and yet have deep, spiritual conversations together too. {I feel the exact same way about my other sister Erin too!! Thank you Jesus for blessing me with Erin and Hollie for sisters!}