God is Good

Here are some of my recent ramblings on this issue....

One of the lessons I have learned through losing our baby revolves around the goodness of God.  It forced me to step back and ask: Is a God who could have saved our baby, but chose not to, a good God?  Is a God who lets some lose their children, while others all around them get to keep their children (though they've done absolutely nothing to deserve them or not deserve them) a good God?

If I just answer out of raw emotion, it's easy to jump to a "no" answer and I think early on that's what I did.  However, over the past several months God has brought me to a place where that view has changed. For a very long time, the pain absolutely blinded me to any goodness found in God.  But, the Lord reminded me several times that no matter what happens to us down here, He is good for several reasons, but what resonates most with me is that He is good because of the sacrifice and resurrection of Jesus.

It's easy for me to slip into a mind of entitlement....that I deserve joy and happiness and comfort and good things and all my wishes in this life.  God, forgive me for the times I slip into such a horrible state of mind.  I am a sinner and this is a broken world that rejected the Truth and goodness of God.  On that basis alone, the only thing I deserve is eternal hell.

BUT, God, in his goodness and mercy and love, did not leave us to just that one option.  He sacrificed His child so that we could have a new option: eternity with Him.  "But to all who did receive Him, who believed in His name, He gave the right to become children of God, who were born, not of blood, nor of the will of flesh nor of the will of man, but of God" (John 1:12-13).

Because this is a broken world, there will be pain and sorrow and loss and evil. But God addresses this issue and offers a solution.  I have to keep my hope in Him and in being with Him in heaven one day.  I think all of the pain and suffering experienced on this planet will be washed away and completely out of my memory once I am in His presence.  That is something I long for very much, because there is so so much pain down here and quite frankly I am just plain tired of it.  It's hard waiting down here when I know a better place exists for us in heaven.... I just want to skip right over to the heaven for eternity part now.

So even when bad, painful things happen down here, I do still believe God is good because of Jesus' death and resurrection.  He did not leave us helpless, but stepped in and provided a way out.  I'm only 28 which means, depending on how long I live, there could be lots more painful events in my life.  I just pray that God will help me to keep my eyes on Him through those times and to always see His goodness and love.  I know I am too weak to do that on my own, and I have fallen into horrible states of depression and anger that He has patiently waited and pulled me out of over and over.  I am very grateful for that.

Going through painful times forces me to reflect on things that I don't think I normally would if I always got my wishes.  I actually appreciate that though.  I don't want to just believe in God for the sake of believing.  I want to ask those questions and find answers because I believe my faith will be stronger for it. I am reading through Where is God When it Hurts right now and it has helped a lot. It's by Philip Yancy and was given to me by my sister's mother-in-law.

I like that the author asks a lot of those raw questions that come to our minds when we suffer. I think some Christians are afraid to ask questions, but I think it's important....as long as we actually search for answers to those questions.  I am learning so much through this book and I don't think there is enough space to put it in a blog, so let's just say it is really good and really helpful. One of the things that has stuck with me from this reading is that I want to love Him for Him, not simply for the things He gives me or the pain He spares me from on this planet.

I believe my relationship with God is dynamic; not static.  What I mean by that is I am still growing and learning and changing and there are ups and there are downs. He is still working on me. I am not where I should be yet... but He is working on me.  I do not know all there is to know about God.  I do not have the perfect relationship with Him. I am not the best representation of Christ. I am still way too controlled by my flesh instead of His Spirit. I do not know how to strongly defend my faith when under attack from atheists, in spite of being quite sure their arguments are flawed. I have lots of questions that I have yet to find answers for. BUT I believe that is ok... I believe this is a journey and that God is molding me and refining me... that is my prayer at least.  One day I will be the child of God He wants me to be... that will take some time, and that is ok.  I am just thankful that He is patient and full of mercy.