One Wise Parent

When Jared and I lived in the AV, we attended the Desert Vineyard Church and Desert Christian High School.  One of the families that we are friends with from both circles is the Thompson family (Kirsti Thompson was in my class and is the cousin to one of my best friends Sara Jackson (now Sara Jacob), and Amy Thompson was on the girls' DCS JH volleyball team I coached). Kirsti and Amy's mom is Cheri Thompson, and she is plugged into the parenting ministry at the Desert Vineyard.

On facebook, Cheri has been posting the blog posts from the Vineyard's parenting blog called Together We are One Wise Parent. It's a place where she posts about the parenting tips and techniques that she and her husband have learned over the past 30+ years they have been parents (they have 6 kids total ranging from 20 - 30 something years old) and their 27 years of teaching parenting classes at the church.  I really like and respect Cheri Thompson. She is one of the sweetest people I have ever met, and helped me a lot after we lost Aliyah.

Ok, so all that to say, I wanted to share this post that she wrote a week or so ago. The series she is writing about now is called "Raising Godly Men." Raising Jack to be a godly man is something that is sooo heavy on my heart. I want to do everything I can possibly do to lead and guide him to a love and passion for God. I pray every day that Jack will have a heart for God, that he would love and serve Him humbly all the days of his life.

The post that I wanted to share here is PART THREE from the series... What I like about this post is that it encourages parents to look for the gifts and the good in their sons (obviously this could and should be done with girls too). Here is one of the many quotes I liked from this post, "Sometimes we have to actively seek to be aware of our sons' unique gifts and abilities.  Ask God to open your eyes to all the good He put in your boy. If you still can't see it...ask his Nana.  Nanas always see the good in their grandchildren.  Once you have identified his admirable God-given gifts and abilities...coach the good."  I definitely agree with the Nana part. :)

This especially stood out to me because that is something I am trying to do with Jack. Jack is VERY energetic and active and social. This can sometimes be very exhausting because he desires constant attention and will let you know immediately if he is not happy or having his needs met.  But instead of getting annoyed with this tendency of Jack's, I want to see it as a good thing...to change my perspective.  I love that he already seems to have such a huge energy and zeal for life. I love that he is not a passive baby, but that he wants to interact and engage with his world.  I love that he wants to be around me and Jared all the time. I want to embrace this and encourage and guide it in him for good. And then pray like crazy to God to give me the strength and energy to keep up with him!!!  :)

Ok, enough of my "yapping," here is the post....

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Raising Godly Men...Part Three...Gifted

One Christmas, thirty-two years ago, my mother-in-law, Therese,

gave her grandsons two very different gifts.  Peter Kye received 

books and Tyler, art materials which included a professional easel, 

crayons, drawing pencils, and a "gum" eraser (something I had 

never even heard of before that moment.  Anyone who has ever 

played "Draw Something" with me knows my children did not get 

their drawing abilities from this set of DNA) along with all the 

paper he could possibly need.   She KNEW those two grandsons 

of hers.  She knew Peter had been interested in books since he 

was a baby, had already learned to read at five and by nine 

would be reading The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings Trilogy.  

She watched Tyler and saw his artistic abilities and though he 

was a rebel to any other boundary, he colored beautifully in the 

lines. Not only that, by the time he was three, he was printing his 

alphabet perfectly on a chalkboard even though he had no clue 

what he was drawing. She was a student of her grandchildren 

and was well aware of their giftings and encouraged them 

as best as she could for as long as she lived.  My boys 

excelled in these areas, in large part, because they had this 

woman in their lives.  It just shows the incredible power of 

encouragement.

All boys have God-given talents and gifts.  Some of these are 

obvious like playing a musical instrument or athletic abilities, 

but some are either subtle or hidden amongst the negative 

aspects and acting out of a boy's temperament.  Like Joseph, 

who was diagnosed with ADD and ADHD.  His mom could not, 

for the life of her, figure out any gifts Joseph had besides 

home demolition or auto dismantling.  But one afternoon, 

Peter met Joseph and later when he talked with Joseph's mom, 

he told her he could plainly see one of Joseph's gifts in just the 

few moments he had spent with him.  Peter saw that Joseph 

had a zeal and appreciation for life that was pretty spectacular.  

He loved just being alive!  He loved people, church, playing 

on the playground...just about anyone and anything.  This 

zeal could be a powerful and positive attribute in Joseph's life 

if he learned to have the self-control to know when to let that 

zeal loose and when to tone it down a bit.  Once Joseph's 

mom learned to appreciate her son's gift in this area, she saw 

his exuberance in a different light and even joined in sometimes.  

It wasn't as annoying as it had been because HER attitude 

changed.  And she wasn't nearly so impatient when teaching and 

training, coaching and disciplining him to a place a self-control, 

because she saw it more as training toward something good 

rather than getting out something bad.

Sometimes we have to actively seek to be aware of our 

sons' unique gifts and abilities.  Ask God to open your eyes to 

all the good He put in your boy. If you still can't see it...ask 

his Nana:)  Nanas always see the good in their grandchildren:)  

Once you have identified his admirable God-given gifts and 

abilities...coach the good.  That is exactly what Grandma Therese 

was doing in Tyler and Peter's lives.  If you have a boy who 

loves to work with his hands, get some building materials and 

train him to hammer a nail, it will save your walls and furniture.  

If you have one who is interested in insects, purchase some 

field guides, a magnifying glass, a couple of bug viewers and always 

have empty jars on stand-by for their conquests. Is he interested 

in music?  For heaven's sake, "fan that flame!"  You could have a 

future worship leader or orchestra musician on your hands!   The 

options are endless because the giftings are endless as well.  

Here's the danger of not seeing the good in your son.  You can 

develop a critical attitude that can spread to other members 

of the family.  The "problem child" begins to feel "outside" of 

the family.  Expectations of bad behavior become the norm 

so an unhealthy cycle or pattern develops...we expect it, they 

do it, and they get punished.  WHENEVER something happens in 

a family, the "go to goat" is the "toublemaker."  The troublemaker 

will some times acquiese to something they didn't even do 

just because they don't think anyone will be believe otherwise.  

They become more and more emotionally isolated which will 

lead to physical isolation later.  

In the book Six Ways to Keep the Good in Your Boy, 

Dannah Gresh, spends three chapters explaining the importance 

of staying connected to your boy.  From the very beginning, 

connecting with the parents is vital, not only to them emtionally, 

but now they are finding out through reasearch it helps with the 

brain's development and with physical health as well.  Staying 

connected as a family will create strong family values and an 

identity that will serve as protection against outside influences 

as your boy grows into young manhood.  Dannah calls this 

"intentional togetherness."  One of the key ingredients to family connectedness is the ability of family members to love and 

appreciate each other and the gifts they bring to the family as a 

whole.

As a family, we are delighted in Peter Kye's ability to 

remember EVERY word to the songs for EVERY Disney movie 

produced and could, at any moment, break-out with his version 

of "Under the Sea" from The Little Mermaid or "Feed the Birds" 

from Mary Poppins at family gatherings.  We love the puns he 

creates to share with us through text and Facebook posts.  

And Ty...well, he is still always a surprise and every bit as 

mischievous as he was as a boy.  And we love it!  He finds a 

way to always be Ty...He will keep his feet firmly planted while 

the photographer is asking everyone in the bridal party to jump 

and have at the top of his Amazon "wish list" a "shocking pen."  

Humor is a gift BOTH my boys have and one we have all enjoyed 

as Thompson family members.  Some of the quirkiest gifts are the 

most fun:)

Open your eyes and find reasons to delight in your son's gifts.  

Peter, my husband, calls this "parenting up."  Coach, love, 

appreciate, delight in and "parent up" to the gifts and abilities 

you see in your boy and he will flourish!  

We are praying for you...

Cherri, Peter, Chris and Kathy

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You can check out the posts from this series here (I am not sure if they are doing more for this series...there is usually one post per week on the blog):

• Raising Godly Men -- PART ONE
• Raising Godly Men -- PART TWO
• Raising Godly Men -- PART THREE